When most of us over the age of 30 were growing up our parents taught us to say please and thank you. It was understood that we should always respect our elders and be polite. Remember the old saying “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all”?

Sure these all add up to nice manners but how many of our parents actually taught us gratitude? How many parents actually say to their children “be grateful” or how many ever teach them to be truly thankful for each and every thing they have? I cannot speak for other parents but I have tried to teach my child gratitude. In some cases I have succeeded and in others I have failed.

My son like most other teenagers is mostly self absorbed, self centered and selfish but there is another side of him that I am truly proud of and humbled by. When we are out driving and he sees a homeless person he always asks me for money to give to them. If I don’t have any cash he always asks if we have any food in the car. Whenever I go through his closet to take out all the clothes he has outgrown he demands we give them to homeless or needy children.

Sometime ago, my husband Ray noticed some homeless people begging for money and followed them into the woods to see where they lived. When he found their camp no one was around but he decided to go to the grocery store, buy some items and take them back anyway. When he first went into the woods he told me and Isaac to stay in the car because he was unsure of what he would find; but on the second trip he took Isaac with him and it was by far one of the best lessons in gratitude I could hope to teach him. When I look at my husband and son together I am constantly reminded to be grateful. My husband Ray is my second husband and our son Isaac’s step father but except for the fact that Isaac is white and Ray is black you would never know they didn’t share DNA. While they can butt heads like any father and son they truly love each other and it is awesome to see their love and respect for each other grow.

I have said all that to say this….what has happened to good old fashioned GRATITUDE? Recently I have begun to notice several people in the 16 to 25 year old range that seem to lack any concept of gratitude. At work there is one person in particular that acts as if gratitude is a four letter word. I have to tell you this drives me batty. She goes around acting as if her peers, boss, company, college and the world at large owe her something. The idea that she may actually have to put forth effort, work her way up through the ranks or be granted raises and promotions based on merit seems foreign to her. I wish I could say that this was the only example but there are plenty of others that I encounter in my daily life and it just makes me mad.

Even my own son sometimes acts as if life should just be handed to him. I realized about 7 years ago that my ex husband and I had managed to spoil our son Isaac by always buying him little trinkets, taking him out to eat to often and not really making him work for anything. I knew I was in trouble when we were in Toy’s R Us and Isaac had a $20.00 toy in his hand that he had been wanting for a while and instead of being happy about it he pitched an absolute knock down, drag out, falling on floor kicking and screaming hissy fit. All that, because I wouldn’t buy him a $.50 piece of candy at the check out line. His father and I had recently divorced and money was tight. I knew then and there I had failed my child and vowed to do better. Since then I constantly talk to Isaac about gratitude and do my best to teach it to him. Even with that he still acts as if he is entitled to things sometimes and it really upsets me.

When I see young people from what most mental health professionals have labeled and the “Generation of Entitlement” I am at the same time horrified and pissed off. How did their parents not pick up on the fact that their kids were in trouble? How did they get to the point where it was ok to slack off at work because you don’t feel like your company is promoting you fast enough? Never mind the fact that you suck at your job, give everyone attitude and just can’t be bothered to show up on time. That can’t possibly be related to the fact that you can’t break out of that entry level position!?!

After hearing the term “Generation of Entitlement” for the first time I started doing some research online and came across a blog by a twenty-something guy who, in true entitlement generation fashion blamed his sense of entitlement on his parents. It was his parents, according to him, that promised him that if he stayed in school, went to college and got good grades he would be ensured a comfortable position when he graduated. It was his parent’s fault that he acted like the world owed him something. When I first read his blog my blood was boiling. How dare he blame his parents I thought? But as I have thought about it for the past few weeks I realized that in a way he is correct. While it is certainly important to incentivize our children to do well in school and get a good education so their hopes for the future are brighter, I believe it is also incumbent upon parents to prepare their children for the realities of adult life.

Why do some parents see nothing wrong with teaching their children how to clean up after themselves but never even think about teaching their children about minimum wage, layoffs and hard work? I have always felt a deep sense of responsibility to teach Isaac all the skills he might need to be ready for the world after high school. He is 13 and he can clean the entire house by himself. He is a better cook than Ray and he is not afraid to get his hands dirty. He knows that nothing in life is guaranteed and that if he wants to have a nice life, large savings account and large family he is going to have to show up for work and do his job even if his boss is a jerk.

So many parents these days don’t seem to want to teach their children about the realities of adult life and then wonder why their kids never leave the house. They seem afraid of teaching their kids any street smarts for fear that they will freak out or that they are not old enough to understand. I say to all parents everywhere that if you fail to teach your kid about the reality of life using chores, hard work and lessons in gratitude you will truly have failed your children. As a wise man I know once said…it is not your job to prepare the world for your children but rather your job to prepare your children for the world!

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